Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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