Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
