you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
