We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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