Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
two words...techno handjob
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
