the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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