And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
