how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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