You're so nebulous sometimes
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
