:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
