I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
