so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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