Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
