I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
