This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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