we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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