There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
