he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
