I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
