So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
