I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
