honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
no you cant smoke seaweed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
