I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
