i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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