yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
