just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I understand Curling. That high.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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