He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Two words: blizzard sex
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
