i permit you to call me
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
