you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
