she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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