The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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