i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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