Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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