she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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