She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
