his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
