i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Houston, we have a blender
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
