so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
