Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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