He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
