You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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