I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
