he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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