i think i have herpe
just one?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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