Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
