so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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