You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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