Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
