Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
