just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
