My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
