so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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